Thursday, August 17, 2006

Mail Call !!!

I received a letter today from a concerned Christian. Want to see what it says? Sure you do...

Hello, friend! I advise you to examine (link to blog address was inserted here) Non-Incendiary Media. Also, I would like to remind you that a large population of the Christian church is not in league with George Bush or the political parties and loves you very much. Please do not insult or alienate these enlightened spiritual people!

Your friend,
Iron William Bunker <><
(I swear to God I didn't add the fish symbol next to his name)

And my response...

Dear Iron,

Or can I just call you William? "Iron" seems a bit over the top. How about Bill? Bill is a friendly name. OK? Good.

First Bill, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I'm always happy to read responses from my readers, even if they're confusingly both positive and negative at the same time. Your response was so unique that I decided to do a whole post on it.

Secondly, while I appreciate the idea of you and other "enlightened spiritual people" loving me very much, I really don't give a rat's ass whether or not you support George Bush or if I've insulted or alienated any of you.

You see, it's quite simple, Bill. There's a little box at the upper right corner of this blog that says "NEXT BLOG>>". The next time you come across my blog or any other blog that insults you, your Holiness, please avert your eyes just high enough to click on that box, and all your worries will simply wash away (you know, kind of like the Catholic Church did with it's child molestation problem).

That's just one great feature about this whole blog phenomenon, Billy. You can read the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't like. Just like the way I took the time to look at your blog and decided that nothing there interests me, so, don't expect me to visit in the future. See how easy that was?

I've found that the most peaceful way to deal with anything one finds offensive is to simply turn your attention to something else. I'm sure even Jesus would have to agree with that.

Yours truly,

NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National Security Agency may have read this email without warning, warrant, or notice. They may do this without any judicial or legislative oversight. You have no recourse nor protection save to call for the impeachment of the current President.


At August 18, 2006 12:31 AM, Blogger Butchieboy said...

How do you really feel?

At August 18, 2006 12:45 AM, Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

nice. I have had a crazy muslim and a crazy christian send me a message. i am simply not creative enough to reply. good work

At August 18, 2006 1:18 AM, Blogger sumo said...

So...what was your point? Heh heh! I got one a few days ago and I still don't know what it was about. But mine was anonymous...bah!

At August 18, 2006 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good response to a self-righteous pretentious zombie. it is my personal habit to avoid anyone who refers to themselves (or in this case, their "flock") as "spiritually enlightened" (i.e., "scientifically dead"). -- D.K.

At August 18, 2006 8:39 AM, Blogger Donnie McDaniel said...

Nice to see that I am not the only one getting those mails. Gives everyone a chance to give it to them.

At August 18, 2006 4:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen Brotha!

At August 18, 2006 6:34 PM, Blogger John Good said...

Man. . I feel so left out. .Uhh. .I mean, YEAH! I've gotten 37 of these! 37!

At August 18, 2006 10:17 PM, Anonymous nutmeg said...

CHANGEalleujah! So says the Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping!
He's the only fucked up christian who I give a shit about!

At August 19, 2006 10:31 PM, Blogger enigma4ever said...

PT- this was great- and so right come I have never thought to respond to these- what a great idea...thanks

( You and Rory always make me laugh....thanks)

At August 20, 2006 10:44 AM, Blogger LadyCelticFire said...

BAH HAHA Ok that was a GREAT response... though I am a bit jealous, I think... I don't get emails from anyone HAHA I get the crazy Shitburger guy, but no emails... I feel dejected *sniffles* Perhaps I should do one on the sexual repression of Xtians and how a good blow job would fix them hehehehe Think that might generate something LMAO

At August 21, 2006 9:55 PM, Blogger thepoetryman said...

Did you atleast offer the poor schmo a tissue to put aginst what must have been a bleeding nose after reading your reply?

At August 21, 2006 9:56 PM, Blogger thepoetryman said...

"aginst"? Methinks it'd be "against". But then you already knew that... :>/

At August 22, 2006 5:30 AM, Blogger PTCruiser said...

Actually, I offered him the other cheek. (Ass cheek, that is.)


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