Monday, March 27, 2006

Things You Need to Believe to be a Republican

  • Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

  • Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

  • The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

  • A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

  • Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

  • The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

  • If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

  • A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

  • Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

  • HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

  • Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

  • A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.

  • A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

  • Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

  • The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

  • Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

  • You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

  • What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

Many thanks to Dad for sending this to me in an e-mail.

If you want to see a funny cartoon on becoming Republican, click here.


At March 27, 2006 8:02 PM, Blogger toobusyliving said...

I think you might enjoy this:

She was my fav. columnist until she quit to go write for the NY Times over some kind of dispute involving Noam Chomsky. This one had me laughing until I cried (sorry - it was kinda in a "I can't believe Americans" kind of way.)

Seriously, let me know what you think; nobody writes like her. This was her last coumn for The Globe and Mail, reprinted here:

At March 27, 2006 9:41 PM, Blogger celticfire said...

Great post! Very provacative. I love your avatar too.

At March 28, 2006 2:09 AM, Blogger glenda said...

Ouch! That picture looks painful!

"The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business."
Have you looked at Laura Bush's driving record? She actually killed a man.

At March 28, 2006 4:19 PM, Blogger enigma4ever said...

GREAT post..had me laughing ,crying and cursing...
and yeah I don't know where you got the picture...
but gag-cough-gag kind of says it all....Keep bloggin' it...

( I am so sorry about your car in the Sinkhole- would you like a Prius or a landrover ? know when I hit LOTTO I will send one right over)

At March 28, 2006 5:55 PM, Blogger PTCruiser said...

Thanks, Enigma. A Prius would be nice with the price of gasoline going up again.

At March 28, 2006 8:18 PM, Blogger LadyCelticFire said...

HA great post PT LOL I just love the hypocrisy of Republifacists LOL

If it wasn't so scary it would be hilarious ....

At March 29, 2006 4:29 AM, Blogger Rory Shock said...

hey pt great post ...

At March 29, 2006 7:27 AM, Blogger Jeremy said...

This is a great post...many days on the Randi Rhodes show (to which everyone should be listening!) they have a "things you'd have to believe to be a Republican today" segment, and it's absolutely hilarious.

At March 29, 2006 7:41 AM, Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

This is awsome, and so is the image... never saw it before.

At March 29, 2006 4:25 PM, Blogger PTCruiser said...

LadyCF, Rory and KC:
Thanks to all of you for stopping by and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Jeremy, you're absolutely right. Everyone should be listening to Randi Rhodes. She runs a great radio program. Thanks, Jeremy.


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