Monday, January 23, 2006

Bush Preparing for Invasion of Syria

Syrians oppose US but love KFC

DAMASCUS (Reuters) - The U.S. flag serves as a doormat to an office and nearby merchants announce "we boycott American goods," but some Syrians can't seem to keep away from American fast food at the new KFC fried chicken restaurant.

With Operation Quagmire in Iraq grinding to a slow crawl, George Bush is looking for a fresh nation to destroy so that he can build it up "much more better than before" and, at the same time, boost his lagging popularity with the American public.

In a statement to the White House press corps earlier today, Bush had this to say: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...Operation Bucket o' Chicken; a foolproof plan for the invasion and utter destruction of Syria and the Syrian people".

He went on to say, "You see, the problem with Iraq was that I misunderestimated the resolve of the Iraqi people. They really didn't want democracy shoved down their throats the way Rummy said they would and that's why we face the difficulties that we have there today, what with all those evil-doers messin' up my plans. Heh-heh-heh."

In a one-page memo scratched out in crayon on the back of a Denny's placemat it is revealed that this new military operation, led by Colonel Harland Sanders, seeks to eliminate the will to resist the American way of life by sending massive amounts of endorphins to the Syrians' brains via the Colonel's own "secret recipe".

When asked how this endorphin rush would affect the Syrian people, Bush said, "You see, it's like this. They buy the chicken. Then they eat the chicken. Then when they've eaten enough of the chicken, they'll be so fat, dumb and happy, they'll find even me irresistable. We discovered this secret weapon when we looked back at the last two presidential elections and found out why the American people were so, um willing to vote me into office twice".

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan finished the briefing by stating, "If this works out the way we hope it will, we'll be looking very closely at North Korea next".


At January 24, 2006 7:24 PM, Anonymous DAD said...

This is great stuff,I love your tongue in cheek houmer.You are starting to sound like John Stewart from the Daily Show.Keep up the good work.


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