Thursday, December 22, 2005

Somebody in Pennsylvania Gets It

In a moment of great clarity, U.S District Judge John E. Jones III ruled this past Tuesday that "Intelligent Design" cannot be taught in biology classes at the Dover Area School District in Pennsylvania.

I would just like to take this moment to congratulate Judge Jones on his keen ability to sift through the crap and come up with a ruling based entirely on common sense.

U.S. District Judge John E. Jones criticized the "breathtaking inanity" of the 2004 decision by the Dover Area School Board to insert intelligent design into the science curriculum. He called the concept "a religious view, a mere re-labeling of creationism" and said the board's policy violated the constitutional separation of church and state. Intelligent design holds that living organisms are so complex that they must have been created by some kind of higher being.

"In making this determination," wrote Judge Jones, "we have addressed the seminal question of whether ID is science. We have concluded that it is not, and moreover that ID cannot uncouple itself from its creationist, and thus religious, antecedents. ... We hold that the ID policy is unconstitutional."

Amen to that, brother.

On a more important note, I just want to inform all of you who are members of the American Taliban (religious right) that nobody has a problem with you teaching your religion to your own children at your own home, at your place of worship, in the car, or wherever. The problem lies in you shovelling that crap down other peoples' throats against their wishes. If folks wanted their children to learn religion in school, they would send them to private religious schools. Let me make this perfectly clear for you : I WILL TEACH MY CHILDREN ABOUT MY RELIGION AT A TIME AND PLACE THAT I DETERMINE, NOT YOU.

Look, now you've gone and made Jesus angry.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and He wanted me to let you know that He has had it up to HERE with all of the bullshit. He's not at all happy with what you've been doing in His name. When He said to "spread His word" He meant for you to do it in a nice way, not force it on everyone. He said to tell you that He would like all of you to stop acting like used car salesmen and start treating each other a little more decently, especially when it is so close to His birthday.

He also wanted me to let you know that while He acknowledges that the Easter Bunny is a nice touch and very cute, He has absolutely no idea what that has to do with Him rising from the grave.


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